Terrible TS.

The winter winds were just starting to bend their chill fingers around my unprotected ankles. The journey to work was being marred by the ever present morning drizzle. It was the time of year that your thoughts drift in a paranoid fashion, towards snow, ice, sleet and hail. I took off my helmet and stood looking at my pride and joy. It had taken the best part of a year to get all the pieces together to build my ultimate LC350. I wasn't about to let it become another victim to the cruel winter elements. It was time for a hack!
Isn't it strange how sometimes events just happen. As if you are acting out a role in some great Karmic plan. As soon as I was told about the Suzuki TS250 in the pub after work, I could hear a voice in my head saying, "See that TS250 ? That's your bike that is !" I had to go and see it. Just to reassure myself that it wasn't what I wanted. After all, I hadn't owned or wanted a trail bike ever. Ever since my first and last ride on one in 1977. It had all seemed such fun, riding around on a friends bike in a disused chalk quarry. Bouncing off the little bumps on the ground and tearing up the little slopes. Then Paul decided to show me what a real trials rider he was and headed for what I can only describe as a cliff. Twenty, thirty forty miles per hour then he hit it. The front of the bike was thrown up by the shock and to my amazement he rode, 30 feet, up this vertical chalk face. Grinning with exuberance he returned and perched the bike on its sidestand. "Your go", he declared in a voice that brooked no argument. My seventeen year old ego took control and I heard myself say "No problem". Taking double the run up that he had taken, I approached the cliff. First gear, second third. Twenty, thirty forty miles per hour. I hit the foothills and went vertical. Forty, thirty, twenty miles per hour. Ten five, I could see the top, I was going to make it. The front wheel crested the hill at exactly the same time as the engine stalled. I clamped the front brake on tight. my feet were tippy toe on the treacherous slope. I was balanced. "Help", I quavered. Not too loud lest I precipitate an avalanche. For what seemed like hours I sat there, stock still. The front wheel at last began to slip backwards. It was all over. I landed at the bottom with no broken bones and the bike, fortunately, on top of me. What I was left with was a five pound bill for a new indicator, a half hour of labour unblocking the exhaust pipe with a rusty coat hanger, and a deep abiding mistrust of anything wearing tyres with knobbles on.
All this went through my head as I was riding to the back street shop where this diamond of seventies engineering lay. I parked up my LC and strolled up the alleyway.I can't recall ever having seen so many undesirable bikes in one place at one time.there were CX500 chop's, a Benelli 250 basket case, even a brace of seriously neglected CZ250's. All with outrageous price tags. But there, in the corner of the yard, was the yellow pile of plastic and crud that I had come to see. Resistance was useless, even after a test ride had revealed the beasts shortcomings.
I handed over the cash and became the new owner of a 1976, Suzuki trail bike that had definitely seen better days. Later, a moment of reflection. What had I got for my £240. Firstly I had a new M.O.T. certificate. This was worth it's weight in gold, because with the best will in the world, I don't think I could have squeezed it through the test at any testing station I know. The front forks had two inches of movement instead of the more normal eight. There was no damping either fore or aft. the brakes were atrocious, (although they are apparently good for their era), the headlamp was 90 degrees to the vertical but nobody notices because it is so dim anyway, the knobbly tyres were down to their last 2 mm of tread, the list goes on.
On the plus side, the engine rattles. This is a good sign. After many years experience with Suzuki two strokes of varying layout and capacity, I have learned to be exceedingly wary of any of their engines which have no rumbles rattles or mysterious clicking noises. Every Suzuki motor I have ever come across which exhibited this sought after behaviour, seized solid very soon after. So I was pleased that this mighty 250cc two stroke single displayed a singularly healthy cacophony. I knew that this motorcycle and I were meant to meet when I was tidying the garage a couple of days later and found a Haynes manual I had picked up for 50p at a car boot sale. 'Suzuki trail bikes' including the 250. Eagerly I searched the back of the manual for the wiring diagram. Having found it I compared it to what I found on the bike. Predictably there was no match at all.
In my opinion the wiring on the bike should not work. Some of it doesn't. Most of it does and I am leaving it well alone. In fact I have left all of the bike alone. In the four months I have owned it I have added little except oil and petrol. I did treat it to an offside mirror which has already rusted sufficiently to blend in with the rest of the bike. The chain and sprockets which I had thought would need replacing as soon as possible have lasted the 2000 miles I have done so far, and will probably do another 2000. the tyres which were almost bald are still only almost bald. oddly enough they have a reassuringly adequate grip on the road given that the bike is never going to wheelspin away from the traffic lights. The engine produces virtually no power, I estimate about 18-20 Bhp. This is sufficient to propel it up to a bum clenchingly dangerous 80 miles per hour on the speedo. (This taken as an average of the needles position as it swung wildly between 60 and 100). This prompted the robbing of the steering damper from my LC to be fitted to the existing brackets on the TS. Oh yes ! The TS250 was supplied with a steering damper as Original Equipment when new. Also fitted at the same time were a pair of clocks from an X7 which look more at home than the proper dials.
It will not wheelie. Well it will actually and it's rather fun. All of the power comes in a fairly even spread up to the redline at 6000 rpm where it all abruptly stops dead. To wheelie just open the throttle wide in first and dump the clutch. The front comes up then goes down. there is no danger of looping it and apparently it looks real impressive. At the price, the bike has already paid for itself in terms of the damage it has saved my LC from incurring. Particularly on two successive days in the winter when the snow lay thick upon the ground concealing the treacherous black ice beneath.
Had I ridden the LC on those days I would have fallen off it for sure. The TS never showed any sign of wanting to be the Pope at all. In fact it has never wanted to kiss the tarmac, in wind rain shine snow or hail. It is so thin and light, and what power there is comes in so progressively, that it is an absolute doddle to rear wheel steer it round diesel smeared roundabouts. It glides over greasy manhole covers without the slightest twitch. It looks so shitty that only a deranged cheapskate would attempt to steal it. In fact it is the perfect town bike. It has unfailingly returned 45 to the gallon and I am confidently expecting that to increase when I treat it to its summer rebore. I was going to sell it as soon as the weather got a little better. But it is such a fun motorcycle to ride that I am going to keep it.
It is going to require major surgery which will include a 12 volt electrical conversion and the addition of a pair of DTR125 forks I have acquired for it. In all I think it will cost a further £300 to bring it up to scratch without losing any of its charm. I will never get that sort of money back for it, but the extremely low wear rate of the consumables means that it is money well invested for the future. I think I have just found my winter hack for the next 5 years.