Suzuki GT380.

The Suzuki T500 had sat in the road for 6 months looking sadder and sadder with each passing day. It had been abandoned there by a friend when it had failed to get up the hill to his home. I, Being a two stroke fan, had decided that when the time was right I was going to make him an offer for it.
The time became right one evening in the pub. A merry time was being had by all and the words slipped out of their own accord. 'Er, would you possibly consider selling the T500 ?, my mouth said while the brain was fighting a magnificent rearguard action by trying to make me fall over. 'I might be persuaded', He replied, a glint coming to his eye. 'Er, ... how much did you want then', I managed to say before my brain could get my legs to walk away. (Brains, as it has been observed in many learned journals, are pretty clever pieces of kit, and mine had obviously made up its mind that buying a T500 was bad for it ).
'How much 'v'you got , he said, with all the cunning artifice that the truly drunk reserve for bargaining, (usually for the next round). Now I was expecting to pay around £50 for a non running but non seized T500, But given this reply I was totally stumped for words What did he mean, How much was I prepared to offer ?, how much did I have in the bank ? After I hadn't said anything for a while He said 'c'mon .. how much you got in your pocket then ? I reached for my wallet in a daze. The brain had given up and gone to sleep in a mood, I was running in instinct mode. 'No no no' said the prospective vendor, 'Look , How much change have you got'. My hand surfaced with a small amount of coins, Three Maggies a fifty, three ten pences and sight pence in coppers. 'That'll do' he said and the deal was struck, to this day I still don't know who ripped off who. The following day my brain was still disgusted.
The heap was towed home behind another bike and put at the back of the garage and forgotten for 3 weeks while some courage to tackle the job was mustered. Three weeks later no more courage had been found but my LC350 had been sold and I needed 2 wheels on the road. 'The Thing' in the garage beckoned. It was a tribute to Japanese engineering that the poor thing was still on the road, (or near the road anyway), the amount of abuse that had been heaped upon it. OK, first we'll try and start her I thought to myself. I jumped on the stupidly placed left hand kick start and raked my shin raw as the ratchet let go half way through the swing, apparently a common fault.
'Oh deary Me' I said while dancing about on one foot. I picked up a rubber mallet and vented my anger on the tank. Rubber mallets are marvellous pieces of anger venting equipment as you can beat the hell out of most bits of motorcycles without damaging them. Old bikes that is, The T500 tank had nary a dent but I would hesitate to hit a Honda CBR's tank (or engine !) so hard. Having waited until the leg pain had reduced to a mere throb, I kicked her over again, having more luck this time and getting a full swing. The beating seemed to have done her good, because against all expectations ... she started... On one cylinder. Smoke belched out of the right hand pipe, header to pipe joint and exhaust manifold. Petrol poured from every orifice connected in any way with the left hand pot. And loud, was it loud ? I turned it off before the R.A.F. called in an air strike.
Later when my ears had stopped bleeding and my shin had stopped throbbing enough for me to walk without limping, I investigated. The noise was because the 4 studs/bolts that hold the exhaust pipe headers were missing (presumed dead) as were the threads that were supposed to stop them wandering. Indeed one of the 8mm thread holes was over 14 mm across. The exhaust pipes were held on, If that is the correct term, No, I think 'Prevented from falling off' sounds better, By two yards of baling wire. Predictably the rubber joints which seal the headers to silencers had completely rotted away. Half an hours twiddling produced a spark on the left hand plug by the simple expedient of replacing the condenser. Odd things these old contact breakers but cheap to repair, 99p would have seen it on the road these last 6 months as this was all that was seriously mechanically wrong with it.

It took two weeks to put back on the road and cost 150 quid including £50 for a rear tyre, £50 to get a plug ally welded into the exhaust manifold stud hole, £30 for a helicoil kit (which has been an excellent addition to the tool box), Chain, sprockets, baffle, new kickstart ratchet (essential), wheel bearings, spokes, spark plugs, a lick of black Japlac, and lots of soldering and tidying completed the job. It went straight through an M.O.T. and it was time for the open road. Up until then, my road bike/use every day bike had been a tuned LC350 (Which is another story), so here I was on 500cc of two stroke that wouldn't rev past 6000 rpm and I was puzzled. As the miles passed and I realised the futility of trying to persuade the pistons to travel any faster, the character of the bike insinuated itself into me. I sat more upright and looked around a bit more , I felt the engine straining under me, doing its best for a 15 year old piston ported job. There is no power band, It pulls from 2000 rpm,
It feels more like a 4 stroke than a two stroke and yet it definitely isn't a four stroke. It buzzes away merrily from the lights and if you twist the throttle to the stop it feels like she lifts her skirts and bustles off down the road. That's not to say she's slow I Off the lights she's surprised, nay shocked, more than one LC350 rider, and a few owners of large Jap fours as well. She'll still comfortably top the ton on the clock if you've get the bottle to hold on while she weaves all over the road. In fact she waltzes around so much she has been named Matilda, Tillie for short. Fuel consumption is fairly appalling at 30 - 35 to each gallon, which coupled with a relatively small tank size, precludes use as a tourer. The performance isn't up to much as a sportster, so where does it fit in, in todays competitive second hand market place.

Well, primarily they are cheap, Mine has also been incredibly reliable since it was rebuilt, (Even before when it had been neglected), starting second kick regularly, (No I don't know why it doesn't start first kick, I would guess at perversity). It has a good turn of speed and you can feel like a hero trying to hustle it round even the most undemanding of curves. Roundabouts are sheer enjoyment as you slide from one lane to the other, furiously trying to get the better of the large wide handlebars. Superb fun to slide but apparently from the rear it looks like every second will be your last. The build quality of this old machine is astounding. Nothing looks cheap and no corners seem to have been cut, Sure it looks dated but that's partly because the only bit of plastic in sight is the left hand side sidepanel. Altogether a thoroughly enjoyable and cheap machine that will last forever, even if neglected. I had an offer for her which would have given me a quick profit, but on reflection I refused, and lent her to the person in question instead because I couldn't face life without her.

(Sob I), I guess she's just got to me!