Lament of a car driver
Lament of a car driver
Lament of a car driver.
The long trek home through the ice sleet rain and snow, with juggernauts bearing down from behind and wallies doing stupid things in cavaliers and sierras, and puddles in the road that you could lose a sheep in, and lorries in front of you with no mud/spray guards, and too many cars for one tiny bit of road, and idiot mothers double parking outside the school to wait for their spotty oik kids and causing major pile ups of traffic behind them and looking oh so smug when you stare at them when you finally manage to pass them, .. and tractors towing cartloads of animal shit down narrow country lanes so that you cant get past, and leaving globules of the sticky stuff all over the road so you have to drive over it and you can feel the tyres squelching in it, and Mr. sensible wearing his trilby and smoking his pipe and driving his Lada at a steady 30 miles per hour because hes misread the highway code and thinks that is all hes allowed to do and anyway his lada always overheats if he exceeds 30 unless he changes up into third and he doesnt want to do that because he always graunches the gears which starts his wife off about how expensive the car was and he didnt ought to mistreat it so, and larger spotty oiks on their mopeds , going ning ning ning and swerving all over the road at twenty eight miles per hour and you cant over take them because you just know that the second you speed up one of them is going to fall off in front of you or swerve under your bonnet, and rain that falls so hard that even on the highest speed the windscreen wipers hardly work and you hunch down in the seat and peer through the steering wheel right out of the bottom of the windscreen as if this really helps you to see anything ... and the awful neverending crocodiles of traffic at level crossings and traffic lights that never seem to change and when they do they allow 3 of the 500 cars through then the damn things go back to red and you can just see them in the distance if you lean out of your car door and the temperature gauge is just starting its ever upward spiral to radiator explosion time so you turn the engine off so it doesnt get any hotter and just at that moment the traffic starts to move and you cant get your engine started again so Mr. and Mrs. smug jump the queue in front of you and the gap is filled up by the time the motor fires and youre back to square one, and a wasp is in the car somewhere, youve seen it but dont know where its gone but you darent close the window but the man who you inadvertently cut up because he was driving so badly has got out of the car behind and he looks about six feet 4 if hes an inch with muscles to match and a face you could use to curdle milk, so you wind the window up and lock the door .... and something in the footwell starts buzzzzzing, and the windows start to steam up again, so you open the window and the big man is still there and the wasp finds your leg and the car overheats and the radiator explodes and your A.A. membership ran out yesterday and ...... Get a Bike, even in the wet it makes sense.
